Thoughts on the Retreat
At Living Miracles Monastery
Posted by aplecompte on June 7th, 2010
On the plane headed to Utah I opened a book of Rumi’s poetry and read:
The sound of hoofbeats leaving a monastery
where all is timed and measured: you are
that rider: someone who does not care very
much about things and the results, illness or
loss: you are the soul inside the soul
that’s always traveling. Mind gathers
bait. The personality carries a grudge.
You weave cloth like the moon leaving
no trace on the road. There’s a learning
community where the names of God are talked
about and memorized, and there’s another
residence where meanings live. You’re on
your way from here to there, and don’t claim
you’re not carrying gifts.
My brother leads me through darkness in the trust walk and I feel safe.
In the evening I ask for a miracle, but in my morning meditation no glory rises and I feel frustrated. So I follow my feet to a chair by myself in the kitchen and sit. Soon I’m surrounded by laughing women. I listen with my eyes closed. They’re reading ecstatic mystical poetry aloud and I’m swept up in the joy!
Day of Silence thoughts: I am travelling from the prison of time to the timeless freedom of Oneness in God. Time is undone in the present moment. I am God’s Son. I am a living miracle. I am the end I seek. I am Love loving. I listen to the Voice for God so that I may think and do His Will for me—perfect happiness. My heart is filled with gratitude and appreciation for my brothers and sisters who carry me along. We are equal, beloved and sinless. Sin is impossible. That is merely a bad dream/belief from which I now awaken. My purpose is to heal my mind and follow God. Let God’s Will be done through me. I accept being a miracle-worker. I see that my past memories, images, beliefs and concepts are false and forgive them. All things work together for good. My mind is happy and at peace.
I spontaneously act out, tossing my paper plate into the wind. A companion gently asks, “Andy, where are you?” At first I’m embarrassed, in my wrong mind; then I realize my companion is lovingly reminding me of what I really want. I want to let my false ideas come to the surface, look at them and release them so I can stay on purpose.
David: “The separation was the psychotic break. Let the world of illusion collapse; return to sanity.”
In the afternoon the chapel is hot, so I turn the fire down and open the windows. But then in comes B with a load of firewood and says the fire has to be kept going. I get upset and leave. I go to a cool place and become still. I ask Holy Spirit to help me look at my ego dynamics: Here I am locked in my wrong mind, believing I’m a separate person and that something outside myself, B, needs to change for me to be at peace. Ah ha; not true! The problem really stems from my belief that I separated from God’s Oneness, that I’m guilty, and that God is going to punish me. The guilt and fear attached to that thought are intolerable, so my pal, the ego, helps me give it the old 1, 2, 3:
1) I project the guilt outside my mind and make B the guilty party.
2) In the gap of time (the separation of cause and effect) I erase my memory of this treachery.
3) I perceive B as destroying my peace.
I’m deluding myself! The image I see is an illusion and its underlying beliefs are false. B is not a person; a hot chapel cannot disturb my peace. I am not a body, not a person, not a victim. I made up this dream environment and can’t change it. Fortunately, the problem is not out there. It is my erroneous judgment of B that is keeping me from being at peace. Now I’m aware of my dreaming, of fooling myself with a false perception. I let it all go. I am at peace.
Tags: Forgiveness
