Fear of Redemption
Guilt continued
Posted by aplecompte on August 21st, 2009
Why do I, the Son of God, insist on keeping a false identity and hiding in a dream state? Looking at the resistance Jesus Christ faced in the world (collective ego resistance) can help me identify the false beliefs repressed in my mind that trap me here.
At the time of Jesus everyone believed that redemption required sacrifice. This was so deeply engrained that the people reinterpreted Jesus’ demonstration of eternal life and made it a story of God sacrificing his only Son for their sins. I believe God wants to kill me for the sin of separation and I do not want to pay the price of sacrifice.
The people believed that Judas betrayed Jesus. Likewise I believe I have betrayed God’s Son by taking another identity and condemning him to death. I condemn him whenever I project my anger onto him, so this form of attack is something I engage in frequently. I am so terrified of bringing the dark secret of my betrayal to light that I would silence (kill) those who hold the opposite point of view, the guiltless.
“In the calm light of truth, let us recognize that you believe you have crucified God’s Son. You have not admitted to this ‘terrible’ secret because you would still wish to crucify him if you could find him. Yet the wish has hidden him from you because it is very fearful, and so you are afraid to find him… For the ego does want to kill you, and if you identify with it you must believe its goal is yours.” T-13.II.5
Why do I hold onto hatred? It saves me from love. My wish for something more than love caused the separation and I do not want it healed. If I remove the hatred, my love for my Father would impel me to leap into Heaven and I would lose the world and myself. I believe attack is salvation because it would prevent this. I want to hide my love for God because I associate love with weakness and hatred with strength.
“You can accept insanity because you made it, but you cannot accept love because you did not… Your individual death seems more valuable to you than your living oneness… You are more afraid of God than of the ego, and love cannot enter where it is not welcome.” T-13.III.5
I wanted God to make the world real and he would not. So in my mind I made him into an unloving father who demanded sacrifice. Now I fear my real Father because I have attacked my own glorious equality with him. I sought a place to hide but God did not allow this to happen. “Yet you demanded that it happen, and therefore believed that it was so.” T-13.III.11
God answered my insane request with a sane answer that abides with me, the Holy Spirit.
