Demonstrate You Are Not an Ego
Bill Thetford's example
Posted by aplecompte on December 18th, 2009
Frances Vaughan speaks of a particularly important aspect of Bill's acceptance:
One of Bill's gifts was a presence that enabled people to grow. He was very accepting. He never tried to impose his own views on anybody. I would describe his way of being as an absence of personality noise. He created a safe place for people to be who they were. He was definitely very attentive to whomever he was with; it was as though he didn't need to take up any room. By making a space for you to fill up, he made you feel that you could just be who you are.
When I talked to Bill I felt he really listened and could understand what I had to say. That was one of the nicest things about him. He wasn't full of his own agenda or ideas about the way things should be. He provided a spaciousness and a quality of listening that was very deep. I felt he gave loving, non-interfering attention to everyone. That is a great gift that can be very healing.
These observations include a critically important idea. We all know individuals who take up a great deal of psychic space, who seem to take all the air out of a room, who dominate with "I, me, and mine—it's all about me." No one warms to that person and yet we all believe that we require some degree of self-promotion to be happy, secure, and prosperous. However, if you ask someone to elaborate on how that happens, you will not get a valid answer. We have fallen into the trap of believing that taking up space is good and necessary and we compete for it through attempts to be special. The philosopher Douglas Harding often speaks of "disappearing in favor of the other person," another way of stating Bill's capacity for open acceptance. The more we "disappear," the more everyone gains.
Bob Beale visited Bill [Thetford] in Tiburon several times and recalls:
One of the things I loved about him was his gentle manner and that he subtly offered some really powerful insights, always made in low-key statements, and I was very receptive to listening. Sometimes people try to give you advice or insights and they come on fairly strong and one instinctively pushes back. He never made emphatic statements and I had no feeling of wanting to push back with Bill. It was a delight to experience his gentle manner. I can distinctly remember when it was time to leave, I would go up that hill from Tiburon over to San Francisco and things would really just start to vibrate. All of a sudden I'd really get what Bill said.
Bill always modeled the wonderful way we can be helpful to each other without being oppressive.
Never Forget to Laugh, Personal Recollections of Bill Thetford, Co-Scribe of A Course in Miracles, Carole M. Howe, 2009
Tags: Ego
